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Blonde jokes!
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive blonde lady
arrived and bet twenty thousand
dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel
much luckier when
I'm nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice
and yelled, "Mama needs new
clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up
and down and hugged each of the dealers. With
that she picked up
all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared
at each other dumbfounded.
Finally,
one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral of the story: Not
all blondes are dumb.
Two blonde guys are driving a car on a very hilly
road. They get to the top of a very high, steep hill and they start going down it very fast. The guy driving says "Oh my god!
The brakes don't work!" and the guy in the passenger seat says "don't worry, there's a stop sign at the end of this hill."
While walking in the park, two blondes see another blonde rowing her boat on the grass. The
first blonde says to the second blonde, "its blondes like that give us a bad name!" the second blonde replies, "I know, if
I could swim I would go over there and punch her!"
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A.
I hope it's mine.
Q: What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brunett?
A: Artaficial
Intelligence.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn’t
wake up the sleeping pills.
A blond stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have
a complaint!"
"Yes, ma'am?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?" asked
the librarian.
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh!
You must be the person who took our phone book."
There were three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde who were
trying to break the world record for fastest time to swim across the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. The brunette
shows up on the other side 48 hours later. "Congratulations!" everyone shouts. 2 hours after the brunette shows up, the red
head appears. "Good try" everyone shouts to her. Two weeks later, the blonde shows up. When everyone asked her what happened,
she replied, "I don't mean to sound like a poor sport, but I think the other two women were using their arms."
There was a blonde and she bought a brand new
Convertible Porsche. She was driving along and she hit a guy's diesel. The man got out burning with anger. He pulled the blonde
out of the car got a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the road and put the blonde in the circle and told her to stay in
that circle. Then he got back in his diesel and ran over the blonde's new Porsche several times. Then when he got back he
saw that the blonde was laughing. He asked:” why are you laughing? I just ran over your car”. The blonde said,"I
got out of the circle 3 times".
What does Michael Jackson, and Mcdonalds have in common?
They both like 10 year old meat!!
Two blondes go walking down the street, and find a compact mirror. The first one picks it
up, looks at herself in the mirror, and goes: hmm, that face looks familiar. The second one grabs it and says: YOU IDIOT THATS
ME!!
Chinamen joke!!
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops,
signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."
"Hans Olaffsen?",
he muses. How in hell does that fit in here? So he decided to walk into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind
the counter.
The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers,
"Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago
when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him
and go, 'What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"
"I say Sem Ting."
Yo Momma Jokes
Yo mama is so fat Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses
just to get on her good side.
Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a doorframe and hold a Twinkie on the other side to
get her through.
Yo mama's so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.
Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she says "Trick or meatloaf!"
Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she trick or treats two houses at a time.
Yo mama's so fat, when she opens the refrigerator, it says, "I give up!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her a dinosaur.
Yo mama's so fat, when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her the
key to the store.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to Burger King and asked for a Whopper, they gave her
the sign.
Yo mama's so fat, when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen.
Entertainment Jokes
On a train a woman reading a book.
The man sitting next to her
says,
“Hi, couldn’t help but notice the book you’re reading.”
“Yes, it’s about
finding sexual satisfaction. It’s interesting.
Did you know that, statistically, American Indians and Polish men
are the best lovers?
By the way, my name is Jill.
What’s yours?”
“Flying Cloud Kowalski. Nice to
meet you.”
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